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The Deplorax.
Or the Lorax goes underground.

My name is the Lorax and I speak for the trees.
So how’d I get sucked up in this Canberra sleaze?
My message was lost in the Stremulous Stream!
Even Swomee-swans told me to “Get with the Team!”

The pulpmill by Gunns gets all the attention
Why TV? Why Headlines? Why all this Big Mention?
Because it’s inflated, so all can keep shopping!
But me? I’m ignored because I’d stop the chopping.

So, how come the hokum? Why tell kids to drive
their parents to buy a Mazda CX-5?
‘Cause I am the Lorax!  I sell SUVs!
(I serve “Mac n’ Cheese with Trufula Trees!”)

I once scorned the Once-ler and all his pollution.
But now I’ve been shown there’s another solution:
Grabulous Greed from a thneed is a hoot!
And now I am rolling in Bar-ba-loot loot.

The Humming-fish now know that Forestry Drive
Is my new habitat and it’s here that I’ll thrive.
My new doco’s loud and it’s filmed in 3-D
(Dumb, Dumb and Dumber, between you and me.)

Instead of just talking, let’s shout, scream and hoot.
Let’s make so much noise we could deafen a Snoot,
Snatch pratfalls and stunts from the Done-before Basket
And pluck our clichés from the Done-to-Death Casket.

I’m a bureaucrat now, meant to prowl upper classes.
My moustache is waxed and I’ve put on dark glasses.
I party at Wrest Point and dress incognito
(I can scrunch down and hide behind Marti L Zucco.)

So pour me some vodka with Trufula juice
And please never mention that guy, Dr. Seuss….
Excuse me! That’s Abetz on line number one.
Love ya, mate! Call me! So long! Gotta run!

... apologies to US environmental journalist Gar Smith, who did a local version.