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Sydney resident Ricky Ponting broke the hearts of a cricketing nation today, making the worst Captain’s start to an Ashes contest since 1648. Despite the best efforts of Tasmanian heroes Ben Hilfenhaus, Xavier Doherty, and Peter Siddle (who lives closer to Burnie than Bondi), Ponting – who may have English ancestors – lost the toss, failed to score a single run and could not take a hat-trick on an Aussie friendly Gabba pitch.

Cricket Tasmania Chairman Tony Harrison flatly denied he was ever close to Ponting (a frequent visitor to the UK) with sources confirming Harrison has of late been courting mysterious blue and white Melbournite, ‘James B’. 

Ponting’s fellow Sydneysider Michael Clarke was unavailable for comment, and was last seen weeping inconsolably into his second-favourite mirror.

First published: 2010-11-26 06:41 PM
Picture: Guardian